Parenting Presence

I do not claim to be a parenting expert. I have many shortcomings including, but not limited to, screen time, getting those veggie servings in, and maintaining patience when it really counts. One of the biggest struggles that I face is to be present with my children. I’m talking about taking in the moment and focusing 100% of my attention on them. I have tons of excuses for why it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like for it to: I work most of the day, I have housework to do, I’m just busy. The truth is there are some other excuses that are more difficult to own up to. Minutes are stolen away on social media. Sometimes I find myself lingering in the kitchen while my kids are in their rooms just to be alone for a minute. Why is it that sometimes just sitting down to play with the kiddos distraction-free seems like so much work?

Maybe it’s because it is demanding. I have a two year old and four year old; both ages are very needy and both need very different things. When I’m playing with them, my daughter is planning extravagant pretend games, while my son is stringing together sentences that he needs me to repeat back to him so that he knows I know what he’s saying. She needs to act out dramatic social situations to explore how to handle them. He’s trying out new words and struggling with taking turns. It is demanding.

But all the parents who have gone through it before have the same advice: enjoy this time; they grow up too fast. So that’s what I’m trying to be more conscientious of. Do we schedule “togetherness” time? No. Life with kids isn’t like that. However, when I hear that “Come play with us, Mommy,” call when I’m in the middle of doing dishes or picking up the house, I do pause. I do take that time instead of instinctually calling back, “In just a minute, I’ll be there.” Chores can wait, and let’s face it, sometimes it really isn’t that hard to put a pause on the chores; they’ll always be there. My two year old and four year old aren’t going to be this age forever.

Making this dedicated time for them makes a huge difference for our family too. They feel seen. They aren’t acting out to get my attention because I already am their captive audience. Seeing them and taking them in is a treat for me too. Would you believe that just the other day my four year old told me that she thinks that hotdogs are “delectable”? If it weren’t for a deliberate choice to shut everything else down and focus on the little ones, I would’ve missed this moment. Who knows how many I’ve missed already?